Happy Fathers' Day

I found these stats in the June 18, 2007 edition of Time (yes, it came from the future):

• Worldwide, 10% to 40% of children grow up in households with no father at all.


• In the U.S., more that half of divorced fathers lose contact with their kids within a few years.


• According to a 1994 study by the Children's Defense Fund, men are more likely to default on a child-support payment (49%) than a used car payment (3%).

Ouch.

Other studies are showing that men are spending more time with their children than ever before. Still, that works out to only about an hour a day.

I'm an optimist, though. I'd like to think that fathers don't spend time with their children--not because they don't want to--but because financially it isn't feasible. Women still get paid less for doing the same work, so it just makes sense for most couples, both biologically and financially, to have the woman stay home to care for the child during the earliest months.

However, I believe that Family Medical Leave, established in 1993 (thank you, Bill), is changing how new parents care for their off-spring. The numbers do not yet show this new reality: men as well as women are entitled to up to 12 workweeks of unpaid leave to care for a new child or other family member.

Even though men and women are federally guaranteed this time and to be returned to their position or an equivalent position without penalty, who wouldn’t be fearful that in doing so they would be side-lined for a promotion or shuffled off into an “equivalent” but clearly less desirable position? I struggle with the idea that parenthood obviously requires sacrifice while maintaining that individuals should not be financially penalized for bringing a new voter into the world.

I’m gearing up for a manifesto of my own, so here it goes:

1) Men and women should take EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF FMLA granted by federal law if they can afford it and fight for PAID LEAVE in order to care for family members.
2) Women—if you are married to a good man and a good father—talk about it! If your man doesn’t pull his half of the chores or change every other diaper, you should be ashamed and keep your mouth shut. We can create change by facilitating AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE FAIRNESS AND RESPONSIBILITY ARE VALUED AND EXPECTED.

As you can see from my reading, I am aware that a manifesto must make use of ALL-CAPS. This is, of course, a work in progress.

So, for starters, I would like to praise all dads and men who are doing their part with little fanfare from their partners. First my father, who at first called me a “femi-nazi” but later figured out on his own that the term wasn’t that funny. And secondly, my husband, who on his own unloads the dish washer, starts dinner, sorts laundry, and resists me forcefully when I start to lump him in with other men.